Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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