So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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