I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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