She tied me up with her honor cords...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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