The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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