if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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