You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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