i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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