I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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