apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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