I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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