Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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