A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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