I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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