I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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