Your mouth is God's brothel.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize