Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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