I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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