this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize