Nicole vs. Life
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
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Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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