No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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