I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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