Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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