I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize