dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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