i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize