I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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