I am full of burrito and curiosity
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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