at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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