I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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