I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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