also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize