dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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