now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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