No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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