i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize