he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize