we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize