you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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