doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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