Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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