woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize