YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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