she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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