so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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