drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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