It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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