After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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