just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize