I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is the high leading the old right now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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